


Your Wings

by suqua (cwsunrise)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fallen Castiel, Fanart, Feelings, Gen, Human Castiel, Post Season/Series 08 Finale, Slightly Destiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-18
Updated: 2013-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 05:10:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/807639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cwsunrise/pseuds/suqua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel is suddenly overcome with real human emotion for the first time, Dean is there to pull him through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Wings

**Author's Note:**

> [Nic aka drkarayua](http://drkarayua.tumblr.com) drew fanart and asked me to fic this moment also, so I did!  
> 

It had taken all night and hours of driving, but Dean carted three grown-freakin'-men from the middle of bumfuck nowhere back to the bunker. His priorty had been Sam, but then the kid guilted him into bringing along Crowley. Sam had sounded awful, voice tight and breathless. _Dean, you didn't hear what Crowley said,_ Sam told him.  Then the guy'd passed out and it's kind of hard to argue with a passed out guy.

Then, as he was strapping the oddly quiet, moist-eyed (former?) King of Hell into the backseat, he'd heard rustling in the woods. Dean didn't have his gun, but he didn't need it. Castiel stumbled out of the brush and Dean felt a sharp rush of relief at that. "Thank god," he said under his breath before louder, "Come on, Cas! We're out of here."

As relieved as he was, Dean couldn't allow himself to get emotional knowing Castiel wasn't dead or somewhere dying. Not right now.

The angel had looked at Dean, but didn't say a word as he climbed into the passenger seat. Castiel didn't comment on Sam and Crowley being in the back, didn't comment on anything, actually. Not during the entire drive back to the bunker.

Kevin was still there, scared as shit and wanting answers that Dean didn't have. He let the kid try to look over the angel tablet for answers, taking Sam to his bedroom first. Crowley went into the dungeon without much fuss at all, commenting on the cleanliness of the room dryly before going quiet again.

Dean was gonna start screaming if he didn't stop getting the silent treatment from somebody.

When he passed Sam's room, Dean noticed Kevin checking on him and that was comforting. He wasn't the only able-minded person here, he could relax a little. And first off, he needed a beer. He walked straight to the kitchen, hoping there was at least one frosty one left in the fridge.

Standing in the middle of the kitchen was Castiel, staring into nothing. His mouth was a little open, eyes distant and something about his appearance made Dean stop in his tracks.

"Cas?"

At Dean's voice, Castiel turned to face him. His mouth shut and his gaze dropped to the floor. "Dean," he said quietly, voice an odd pitch that made Dean nervous. "How...do you do it?"

Confused, all Dean could ask was, "Do what?"

Castiel swallowed audibly, turning again. His brows knit and he stared into the distance, the other side of the kitchen, as though it held all the answers. When he spoke again, it was with a mixture of confusion and awe. "I thought... I _thought_ I understood human emotion, that I was learning how to... feel. But this complexity, this depth..."

He lifted his hands, gazing down at them. "I was a fool. A child. I never understood sorrow, not really. Anger, pain, loneliness, shame... Is this all humans do, Dean? _Feel?_ "

Dean felt nervousness clench in his chest. "Cas, are you...?"

Shaking his head furioiusly, Castiel's face broke. Something in Dean's stomach lurched as he saw a tear fall down Castiel's cheek. Castiel drew in a sharp breath and let out a whimper, before his chin dropped to his chest and his shoulders shook with the first sob. His voice rose, distress and tears in his throat. "My brothers and sisters...They're _all_ going to experience this! They're going to feel suffering and that's because of _me_!"

It was obvious that Castiel was getting unstable but Dean didn't expect his legs to give out and to crumple to the floor. It only took a second for Dean to crouch, pulling Castiel toward him until he could wrap his arms around him. Obviously, Castiel got the picture because he turned, pressing his forehead against Dean's shoulder while the sobs wracking his body. "It's okay, Cas. It's ok," Dean said gently, rubbing a hand over the shoulders of the trenchcoat.

Dean didn't know what to say, but Castiel wasn't done. He caught his breath and spoke again, "If he hadn't taken it, if I still- If I had..." His hands were fisted in Dean's shirt, gripping tightly. His voice became a gravelly whisper through his teeth, thick with tears. "Metatron...I _hate_ him, he did this to me! _Tricked me-_ He took it... He cast everyone out. He... Anger, it's so consuming and burning, Dean, I _can't_ -" Castiel sobbed, shaking his head.

With no idea what to do, all Dean could do was pull Castiel close and try to hold him steady.

"They...they'll all hate _me_ for this. Just like I... I'm an outcast, Dean. None of my siblings will ever forgive me, they'll- _Never-_ I killed so many and now those that are left- Cast out of their _home_. So many innocents..." He gasped, until he ran out of breath and coughed, trembling.

There were a few blessed seconds where Castiel breathed normally, maybe getting a grip on things before his voice came out again, tiny: "...My wings are gone, Dean. Metatron, he- A spell- I don't...I've lost heaven for me, my family...I can't do anything. I can't help anyone. I'm nothing. _Nothing_."

With his arms tight around Castiel, Dean remembered that Naomi had said. It must've come to pass and somehow Castiel had gotten stripped of his grace, was getting his first taste of human emotion. He swore under his breath. "Cas. Listen to me. You're not- You're not nothing. We're going to fix everything, okay? You, Sam...We're all going to be okay, hear me?"

But Castiel shook his head, still crying and choking on soft sobs now and then.

"Listen to me," Dean said levelly, squeezing Castiel tight. "I'll help you. I'll- Damn it. _I'll_ be your wings, Cas."

Castiel had gone quiet suddenly, his sobs shuddering into nothing but quiet hiccups. So Dean continued, "We're your family. We will fix everything, okay? You, me, Sam, Kevin...We will figure this out. And yeah, okay, feelings suck. But you'll probably get the chance to feel something good, eventually. I'll- I'll make you something to eat, get you a beer, and we'll figure something out. Okay?"

After a moment, Castiel's hands loosened a little on Dean's shirt, breathing steadying until the hiccups were gone too. Dean had come to the realization that they were essentially hugging on the floor in the middle of his kitchen. Castiel didn't know to be embarrassed by that and even if he knew why, he probably wouldn't be anyway. Dean sighed, tugging Castiel up a little. He wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his shirt and fixed his collars and tie to make him look less of a mess.

Dean gave it another few seconds before he offered a tiny smile. "You'll be okay, Cas. I promise."

Castiel watched him, eyes still shining and feeling the odd little lump in his throat but for the first time, he felt real hope.


End file.
